The women of Twitter by no means fail to brighten our day with their good and succinct wit. Every week, HuffPost Girls rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll by this week’s nice tweets from girls, after which go to our “Funniest Tweets From Girls” web page for previous roundups.
as a substitute of asking “how are you,” we should always begin conversations with “so what’s been haunting you this week”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) Could 22, 2023
Meal prepping is essential for having fast and quick access to one thing i might quite die than eat
— anne (@codinghater) Could 23, 2023
i advised the bus driver he was scorching when i received off the bus as a result of life's brief however now he is my driver on the way in which again too so seems life is lengthy
— You Will Discover Your Folks is out now📕NYC 5/26 (@hellolanemoore) Could 20, 2023
airports are so humorous. like “oh you’re flying throughout the nation? would you want to hang around in a mall first”
— trash jones (@jzux) Could 21, 2023
I bumped into my outdated therapist on the retailer and to my shock she spoke to me in public. She requested me how I used to be doing, I responded “I’m struggling to be sincere.” She replied “effectively take care” and walked off Lmaoo
— AntionetteTheGirlNextDoor (@AskDrAnti0nette) Could 22, 2023
Women notes app be like:
— 🤨 Collin Farrell's eyebrows 🤨 (@CH3RRYMOCHA) Could 22, 2023
- grocery lists
- childhood trauma
- journey plans
- draft breakup textual content
- child names
- situationships
- appointment reminders
- gut-wrenching paragraphs about worst life experiences
- deepest darkest fears
- passwords
Being married to a former drug addict has it is humorous moments.
— okay i r b y (@mommatofour_) Could 21, 2023
Earlier my husband stated, "if we begin giving them apple juice, we should always reduce it with water proper?"
DILUTE....DILUTE IS THE WORD BABE
Overlook a scorching lady summer season I desire a Winnie the Pooh summer season with no pants a cute little shirt and a chubby stomach
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) Could 22, 2023
nothing extra liberating than when your buddy provides you permission to be a full hater of her ex like oh sure right here comes 3 years of pent up disgust child plus L plus ratio plus his haircut needs to be unlawful
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) Could 25, 2023
European meals isn’t magical, it’s the approach to life that retains them skinny. You must get up, drink your espresso, hop in your little scooter, sleep with everybody else’s spouse by midday, then make it to work in time to your first lunch break and it takes rather a lot out of you
— waria 🤌☭ (@EternalDago) Could 20, 2023
*me getting my oil modified*
— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) Could 24, 2023
mechanic: “we’ve additionally discover that—“
me: pic.twitter.com/k6cQbHvwQ9
When a girl has her husband’s final identify, my first assumption is that they received married of their 20s. I really feel like by your 30s, you’ve completely maxed out on paperwork.
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) Could 23, 2023
i don’t thoughts by accident being within the background of tiktoks as a result of if i’m ever falsely accused of a criminal offense all i've to do for an alibi is use the 19-year-old who was filming their journey to the starbucks on beverly and la brea to strive the ice spice latte on 5/19/23 at 2:37pm
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) Could 20, 2023
There needs to be a Nobel prize for not drunk texting somebody even if you actually need to
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) Could 20, 2023
Me: hmm, this medieval metropolis builder recreation is clunky, I most likely received’t play lengthy
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) Could 21, 2023
Me, 4 hours later, having not moved: YES YES ADMIRE THE VASTNESS OF MY SHEEP FIELDS!
I believe the elephant actually ties the room collectively
— reb (@rebmasel) Could 20, 2023
I carry a ebook with me in all places I'm going NOT as a result of I’m a very voracious reader however as a result of what if there’s a hostage state of affairs, and what if that hostage state of affairs has quite a lot of down time. It will probably’t all be drama. There’s most likely some downtime.
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) Could 25, 2023
that is what I imply after I ask if you wish to hang around pic.twitter.com/HS0u2Kqdgs
— Danya Issawi (@danya_issawi) Could 20, 2023
hear me out: This American Life however made by individuals who went to social gathering colleges
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) Could 23, 2023
i actually dont assume anybody who wasn't in faculty earlier than, say, 2013 can recognize simply how a lot of our social life was "take a billion pictures at one social occasion after which add all of them to Fb and caption each single one"
— molly taft (@mollytaft) Could 22, 2023
*testing out the show showers at Dwelling Depot by crying in them*
— Taco (Biggie’s Model) (@bgschnikelfritz) Could 20, 2023
Shrek received a ten minute standing ovation at Cannes only for somewhat little bit of context.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) Could 22, 2023
Oh my god it occurred there was a medical emergency on my flight
— Rachel Alter MD MPH (@RachelAlter007) Could 20, 2023
I've had my MD for 4 days
Thank god half the passengers from Israel to New York are additionally medical doctors and one other extra seasoned one stood up as a result of after I let you know my life flashed earlier than my eyes
when i watch promoting sundown i really feel like i'm the feminist ebook retailer house owners from portlandia
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) Could 23, 2023
was simply driving behind a automobile with two home-printed indicators that stated “NEW DRIVER! BE PATIENT!! I AM MORE SCARED THAN YOU!!” however no in actual fact now that I've seen the signal I believe am
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) Could 20, 2023
I nonetheless name it "ABC Household." I am calling it "HBO Max" eternally.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) Could 23, 2023
This lady pushed previous me at this perform yesterday and I checked out her with my face screwed up and my buddy gently put her hand on my shoulder and stated “she's going to beat each of our asses…let it go” 😂😂😂
— B (@LupusFiasco) Could 22, 2023
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