Marriage is filled with highs, lows and an entire bunch of unusual moments in between.
One way or the other, the spouses of Twitter proceed to search out humor within the trivia of married life ― and sum it up completely in not more than 280 characters.
Each different week, we spherical up the funniest marriage tweets of the earlier 14 days. Learn on for twenty-four new relatable ones that can have you ever laughing in settlement.
Husband: we acquired invited to three vacation events
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) December 5, 2022
Me: yay folks like us
Husband: are we going
Me: completely not
Somebody clarify to me proper now why it was "impolite" to inform my husband he appeared like "an attractive Mr. Rogers" this morning as he left for work.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 22, 2022
Married Wrapped 2022 listing is out! My most heard tunes had been
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 1, 2022
1. What’s for dinner
2. Did you even look?! (Express)
3. By no means thoughts! I’ll do it myself
If I had a boyfriend, I’d say good issues like “hi there” and “you odor good,” however I've a husband so I say issues like “did you simply fart” and “your keys are in your nightstand”
— Ousa the Christmas Goosa (@MedusaOusa) November 29, 2022
Right here’s a wedding tip, if you happen to want a brand new can opener simply get a brand new can opener. Don’t give one to your spouse for Christmas.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2022
My husband went to a lawyer luncheon factor and the lawyer he sat beside turned out to be my ex boyfriend from faculty. After they realized the connection he instructed my husband, “She at all times had me laughing. Is she nonetheless humorous?” And my candy husband mentioned, “Not within the slightest.”
— Girl Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 29, 2022
Husband: *sleeping soundly*
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) December 2, 2022
Me: *shakes him* Honey, are you awake?
husbands rolling over in mattress and touching their spouse's leg with their toe is the married model of a late evening "you up?" textual content
— 🚀🎅Dad Missile Toeing🎅🚀 (@raoulvilla) December 3, 2022
Replace: after I fell asleep my husband got here dwelling and turned the lights to a much less homosexual setting.
— https://mstdn.social/@benjaminjs (@BenjaminJS) December 2, 2022
I can’t cook dinner for you, you’re too choosy, my husband says earnestly trying deep in my eyes as I eat a digestive biscuit dipped in Cheez Whiz
— smerobin (@smerobin) November 28, 2022
I thought of shopping for my spouse a automobile for Christmas after which I remembered we do not stay in a industrial.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 29, 2022
My spouse requested me to place ketchup on the procuring listing.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) November 29, 2022
Now I am unable to learn something.
Prime 3 marriage questions:
— Yard Dad (@IAmYardDad) November 29, 2022
1. What do you need to eat?
2. How lengthy are you going to be in there?
3. The place are you going?
I loaned the neighbor our extension twine, solely I hadn’t coiled it earlier than placing it away so it was one huge knot and now my husband says we now have to maneuver
— Actual Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 28, 2022
My husband thinks I’m ridiculous for refusing to reply the door when somebody comes over unannounced however I’m like, sir, I used to be a latchkey child. It's ingrained in me to duck, cowl, and maintain my breath till they cease knocking and depart.
— Tiffany (@tiffanytweets80) November 29, 2022
Sitting with a good friend this morning who can be married to a Swiftie speaking about our most helpful coping mechanisms when the identical album has been on repeat in the home for a stable week. That is the help group I did not know I wanted.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 25, 2022
Let’s get married and have children so as an alternative of having fun with a glass of wine and a film you possibly can watch Peppa’s Christmas for the 86th time whereas I am going outdoors and determine why the large inflatable Santa isn’t blowing up.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 2, 2022
My husband let the canine outdoors, watched out the window to verify he was out of ear vary then turned to me and whispered “I acquired him a brand new chew rope for Christmas.”
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) December 1, 2022
I hope to in the future discover somebody who loves me as a lot as my husband loves the canine.
My spouse says "I am unable to discover my keys!" BEFORE she even seems and different oddities of marriage.
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) December 3, 2022
My partner requested me if I want something from the grocery retailer and I gave him this listing: espresso stir sticks, bread for sandwiches, $1 million, and a trip
— imply issues I say to myself (@meantomyself) December 5, 2022
My husband has entered the “enjoyable socks” years.
— Jemma (@cygnusfive) November 29, 2022
acquired my spouse an engraved reward for Xmas trigger I needed to get her one thing utterly ineffective that she additionally couldn’t promote
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) December 2, 2022
Since I did not pay for categorical transport my spouse will probably be getting her Christmas items between December 23 and June 6, 2029.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 28, 2022
when two folks meet and one over thinks issues and the opposite underneath thinks issues they normally get married to allow them to drive one another loopy
— 🚀🎅Dad Missile Toeing🎅🚀 (@raoulvilla) November 22, 2022
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